I want to kill myself. How can I do it fast?
☆I’ve spent more than my fair share of time considering suicide so understand that I’m not coming from a place of judgment☆
I’m going to be really, really honest with you.
There is no “fast.”
Any method you might choose will be repeated over and over and over in the hearts and minds of those left to discover you and those who knew you and those left to miss you. It will bend and warp and eventually kill a part of the soul for all those affected. They don’t merely mourn the loss of you. Rather it’s compounded exponentially for them as they bear the responsibility for how they didn’t notice, what they could have done and why you didn’t reach out to them. In addition, those who felt closest to you, or those who wanted to be closer to you, will actually feel abandoned and that part of their soul that they can’t give conscious thought to and that can’t be reached with words or logic will always count your suicide as evidence that there’s no love in the world that can’t simply abandon them at any time with no notice. It will inform their ability to lovingly attach, heart to heart, for the rest of their lives.
Through a more selfish lens, if you’re a believer in any form of life after death it would be wise to ask yourself how your own soul might be affected by leaving that particular type of devastation behind you. I’m not personally a believer in the crime-and-punishment aspect of life after death but depression and suicide tend to be by-products of having an extremely sensitive soul. I can’t imagine our sensitive souls, once freed from our own earthly anguish by our own hand, simply live on peacefully. I imagine it’s a new and likely even less bearable anguish in feeling our soul’s connection and direct contribution to the pain and uncertainty we’ve left behind for others to now attempt to deal with.
Through an even more selfish lens I offer the many examples of quick-but-botched suicide attempts. I’m referring to the hangings, gunshots, drug over-doses, gashes, drownings and other methods that didn’t result in complete bodily death but rather in damaged brains and bodies that now can’t move or talk and are left in an even lonelier, more desperate state with nothing but time looming ahead of them.
I can say with certainty that for the majority of us who suffer from depression and have given suicide more than our fair share of thought, somewhere in the above lies the reason we’re still here.
For those of us who have been “sooo close” but would describe ourselves as “lacking the courage” at the last second, I imagine that it was never a lack of courage that prevented us from killing ourselves but rather an unconscious, spiritual understanding of the above factors combined with the fact that encoded in our DNA is the biological imperative to live.
When you give it the thought it truly deserves, none of us wants to actually be dead. What we want is relief from the excruciatingly heavy weight of the pain and loneliness and emptiness and exhaustion that presses down on us rendering us incapable of forward or upward motion (weight pressing down on us=depression).
My loving suggestion to you is this: You know that energy you had that allowed you to ask Quora for a quick exit? Summon up that same energy and call or text or click a link to a crisis center staffed with people who understand your feelings because they’ve been there. These are completely confidential texts, calls and chats. You can talk or stop talking at any time. You will feel no judgement or fallout from reaching out. There will be no damage to your reputation or your sense of self.
●In the US, if you send a text to the number 741741 and write “home” it will connect you to someone who wants to listen to you and talk with you about this.
●In Canada, if you send a text to the number 686868 and write “home” it will connect you to someone who wants to listen to you and talk with you about this.
●If you call 1-800-273-TALK (which is the same as 1-800-273-8255) you will reach someone who wants to listen to you and talk with you about this.
●If you click this link Lifeline Chat it will bring you to a website that allows you to chat online with someone who wants to listen to you and talk with you about this. It will ask you to enter your zip code but it IS confidential. Lifeline Chat
♡ I’ve just tried all these links and numbers myself and I know they work.
These numbers, chats and sites are staffed constantly. You will reach someone.
♡ Note to anyone reading this post, original poster or subsequent reader or anyone else whether now or in days or months or years: My Quora messaging is not staffed constantly but if contacting the above sites feels daunting, message me on quora and just write the word “how” (or anything else you want to write) and I’ll help you make those contacts.
■You can message me on Quora by clicking on my picture at the top of this answer or by clicking this link Victoria Trast which will bring you to my profile
▪Then click “More”
▪Then click “Message”